"I Just Want To Be Me!"

Have you ever found yourself repeating a single phrase to yourself and not necessarily have a full understanding of why?

Well, such was the case for me. I have been repeating the phrase "I just want to be me" for quite some time now -- I would say years. After really thinking about it and asking myself why I have been repeating that phrase to myself and when are the times I find myself saying it most -- I have now come to the realization that all this time I have really been settling in my mind and heart who the real me is, the me God has created me to be, the process that I am going through, and where I am in that process. I have gone through many stages within the past 3-5 years of my life and I can honestly say that I am beginning to see who the real me is. The person whom God has created me to be.

So many of us go through life and fail to really be who we are created to be. No two people are alike. There are billions of people in the world but yet God has not created any two people alike. We are all different -- there is no one else in this world like me. But why do some people try to make others act, look, think, feel, or be like who we think they should be. Especially when we are not the creator of man -- God is. We are merely reproducing what God has already created/manufactured. He is the Giver of Life. God is the only One that possesses the ultimate authority, wisdom, understanding, intelligence, and knowledge to tell us who we are and what we are to become.

With that in mind, I began to pray, seek Godly counsel, mediate on the Word of God and I believe that I have received some insights from my Creator -- God the Father as to who I am and who I am to become in Him.

I have learned that I am a lover of truth. I love to speak the truth and I like for others to speak the truth to me. I have found that the truth is something that is so undervalued in today's society. But I have come to respect the truth so much. The truth has saved me, healed me, delivered me, and made me free to be the real me who God has created me to be. I value the truth because the TRUTH has set this captive free. I was bound -- in bondage to lies I told myself and what others said to me and I believed it because I didn't know what the truth was. I felt like someone who was in jail or someone who was bound in chains but thanks be to God because He sent His Son Jesus, gave me His Word, the Bible; and baptized me with His Spirit, the Holy Spirit; and my life has never been the same again. I am free, free, and free. Thank You, God, for TRUTH. The word of God says whom the Son (Jesus) set free is free indeed. I am Free, thank God I'm free.

As a result of this freedom I have in Jesus another one of my purpose and passion in life is to tell others so that they too can be free. But can you believe that some people prefer to live in lies, prefer to not hear the truth, prefer to stay and be deceived -- y'all this truly amazes me. Some people even get angry at you for telling them the truth even when it is done in a gentle manner and even when it's coming from someone who genuinely love and care about them. It is because love compels me why I want to proclaim the truth to everyone I come in contact with. I am thankful that someone took the time and told me the Truth. Thank you!

I value the Word of God. I strive and am still striving to be a doer of the Word and not just a hearer and reader. I am striving to be all that God has commanded us to be according to His Word; i.e. to love Him with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength, to love my neighbor has myself, to forgive others, to be kind, to be tenderhearted, to be patient, to be gentle, to be good, to put others before myself, to always be watchful and prayerful, to give cheerfully, to be a peacemaker, to love unconditionally according to 1Corinthians 13, etc.

Another area is my physical appearance. I am growing and learning to love, understand, appreciate, and accept me as I am. Over the past 2 to 3 years I am learning that I love being in my natural state in order words without a lot of extra unnecesary stuff added. I love all natural foods that are good for my body, I love my hair being natural and manageable, and I love to be in clothing that makes me feel comfortable. There was a point in my life where I was uncomfortable with just about everything -- my hair, makeup, face, body, clothes, shoes, etc. And now I thank God that He is really showing me who I am and what makes me the person who He has created me to be. Others who were well intentioned has in the past try to tell me how I should dress, what I should wear, I must put on makeup, what shoes I must wear, etc. Now I prefer to be comfortable in my clothing, I don't care for makeup, I love wearing my hair natural in locs, I like to wear comfortable shoes, I like my nails being natural, etc. I am so much happier and at peace just being the natural me.

I value my relationship with God. I make more of an emphasis on my relationship with God than anything else. I love to spend time with Him and being in His presence. There is nothing like it. I love to praise and worship Him. He is my source of joy, strength, peace, comfort, and He is Everything to me. He is my Source, He is my ALL. I love Him so much and words cannot begin to describe just how much He means to me. I owe Him my ALL. And that is what I am growing more and more each day to give Him -- My All. Without Him being in my life there would be no me -- literally -- I would be dead and in Hell. But God -- He saved my soul -- so therefore my life is no longer my own. I know others don’t always understand my passion and love for God but it is not easily described – You have to be there to know what I am talking about because it is something that lies deep down inside to the very core (center, heart, foundation, central part) of my being and I am so glad (thankful, happy, delighted, pleased, cheerful, happy) – I wouldn’t have it any other way. Jesus, I love You, always and forever.

I value and love children. I have a passion to see them live a life dedicated to Christ. I have a passion to see them grow up to be all that God has created them to be. I love children. They are a precious gift from God and whatever we pour into them – it is eventually what they will become. However, I must say that God works all things together for good and so that is hope for the one who wasn’t raised in the fear and admonition of the Lord. God did it for me and I know He will do it for anyone who will turn their lives over to Him. He makes all things new.

In conclusion, I am continually growing and being made perfect in Christ. I am normally a very private/reserved person but I am learning more and more each day that it’s not about me but It’s All About HIM –JESUS CHRIST. I pray that this will encourage and bless others to be the real you whom God has created you to be and remember that it cannot be accomplished without a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ and with the Holy Spirit being your Guide. Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:6 NKJV)

This is my testimony -- "Never Would've Made it Without You"

I posted this collage of me to show a snapshot of the different phases I have gone through in the past 3-5 years of my life.