Monday, January 14, 2008

She's Not Into God If...

1. She's always gotta a "word" from the Lord for you but her own life is jacked up.
2. She'll speak in "tongues" but cuss you out in the next breath.
3. She brings the baggage from all her previous relationships and expecting you to rescue her from it.
(Hint: here's a few signs)
a. She sits in front of your house at night to see if you are cheating on her.
b. She cusses you out, breaks up with you and then calls you back the next day and say the devil got into her.
c. She's smothering you, you can't breathe! She texts you all day and blows up your phone. Check it out; if she's your last 8 missed calls, this is her.
4. She was late for church Sunday morning because she spent Saturday night out over her man's house.
5. Keisha Cole is in high rotation on her iPod.
6. The only laying on of hands she is familiar with is her boyfriend's.
7. The phrase, "God told me I'm your wife" is her way of getting a man.
8. Her tithe goes to the hair and nail shop.
9. She sings in the choir but everybody knows that she's the church wh***.
10. Her myspace nickname is Sexy Saint.
11. She won't fornicate but she'll perform other sexual favors on her boo.
12. She church hops like she man hops.
13. The only scripture she knows is "Palms" 23.
14. Oprah is her pastor.
15. She played the perfect saint in church but got to your house and threw herself on you!
16. She ain't gon' put her business out there like that, but she could be a guest on Jerry Springer.
17. She thinks that sleeping with one man is celibacy.
18. Nobody at work knows that she's "saved."
19. She thinks that blessed and highly favored is a scripture.
20. She only goes to church so pastor can prophesy her a husband.
21. She's read Confession Of A Video Vixen but haven't picked up her Bible in the last 7 months.
22. She has to look for her Bible every time she goes to Church.
23. She's the pastor's daughter but everybody knows that she and Deacon Johnson are sleeping together.
24. She thinks she's a Proverbs 31 Woman but couldn't tell you the book after it.
25. The flavor of Love is her favorite show.
26. She says she's ready for a husband, but she wakes up every morning and doesn't pray to the one she already has: God.
27. She thinks that sleeping with her baby's daddy is not consider sexual sin.
28. Her excuse for dating a sinner is to get him saved.
29. She has the audacity to say, "I rebuke you satan" when you tell her about her compromising lifestyle.
30. She clicks on the dating banners and ads on Myspace.
31. "I ain't where I used to be" is not a testimony for her but her excuse for sinning.
32. She only comes over your house at night for Bible study.
33. She's really not with you to help you grow in God; she's nothing more than a Delilah to get you to pay her bills and then throw you to the devil after she destroys you.
34. She is offended because this list describes her.
If you have been described in this list, it's never too late to get in God and turn your life around. Suggested Material:
*Image Is Everything*

1 comment:

Becky L said...

some are so funny, but so true.